a healthy gamer: good tips for parents PART 2

It's important to set limits

Set boundaries and make sure your kids understand them. How long are your children allowed to play? What kind of games? Don't just put a gaming system in their bedroom and leave it at that. Rather, turn it into a structured activity and make sure play occurs in a place where you can easily pay attention to their habits.

 Also be aware that gaming may be a pastime that's more appropriate for older children. "There are dangers to introducing games too early. It’s crucial to brain development for children to be actively engaged in the world, getting tactile feedback as they grow," Knorr tells us. "Children learn by doing—putting away the dishes teaches them to be careful, having conversations teaches them how to speak, and playing real games with their friends trains them in a whole host of social behavior that is key to lifelong healthy interactions in the world." Giving them a sedentary activity that's often done in isolation can interrupt that process, with a harmful effect on your child. Her advice is to wait until the age of six or so before introducing your children to gaming.

"I have always been pretty strict in my own home when it comes to movies, TV, games, cell phones, and Internet use," Vance says. "But I do find that whether one parent is more permissive or restrictive than another really should have no bearing on what happens in your own home. As a parent you have every right to set your own rules. No one else has the right to do that. That’s precisely why our age ratings are intended to serve as warning flags, not dictates for parents."

You have to go further than the rating on the box.

Let's take two games as an example: Halo 3 and X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Both games are rated M for Mature. Both games have almost identical descriptors on the back of the box—the difference being Halo 3 says "Mild language" while Wolverine's rating says "Language."

The difference in tone and level of graphic content in the two games couldn't be more stark, however. Halo 3 is a science fiction first-person shooter that feels more like Star Wars than an R-rated film; in my opinion, this is something that wouldn't be too harsh for many children aged 10 or so. If my seven-year-old walked in on me playing Halo 3, I wouldn't be in a rush to pause.

In contrast, when you play Wolverine, you'll see men decapitated. The violence is brutal, with the main character killing great swaths of enemies using only the blades on his hands. The language is rough, and the cut scenes are even more graphic than the gameplay. This isn't the best thing for children, and much of the content would get a hard R if it were rated like a movie.

The point here is that rating games is an imprecise thing, and comparing two games rated similarly can be an eye-opening experience. ESRB president Patricia Vance encourages parents to go deeper than just the rating if they're unsure of a game. "Our new rating summaries—available on our website and, for access in-store, via a new mobile website at m.esrb.org—provide an unprecedented level of detail about content in a game that factored into its rating assignment. The feedback we've gotten from parents is that rating summaries are precisely the type of information they need to make sensible choices for their kids."

Microsoft's David Dennis agrees. "Like with movie ratings, ESRB ratings are intended as general guidelines only. Parents should never buy a game based solely on these ratings and it’s the responsibility of each parent to do their homework when it comes to choosing games," he explains, also pointing out the new ESRB rating summaries. "Beyond the ratings, I always try out any games before I let my kids play them to be sure they are age appropriate."

In my own home I'm a big fan of Common Sense Media, and Patricia Vance pointed out that What They Play is also a solid resource for more information on what games are appropriate for what ages.

a healthy gamer: good tips for parents PART 3

 

Online play: something you should take seriously, but not why you think.

With Xbox Live and the PlayStation Network—not to mention games like World of Warcraft and hundreds of other online titles for the PC—being so popular, you have to be aware of when your child is online.

"I don’t think the risks are with online predators. I think the risks are with negative online behavior fostering a generally negative atmosphere for kids, which is ultimately not healthy," Knorr explains. "I think the anonymity of online gaming is problematic because it doesn’t help foster empathy, which again is key to social development. Never allow a child younger than 12 to play online multiplayer games unless the game is highly secure, and has moderated and filtered chat—something like Club Penguin, for example." For kids older than 12, you can allow supervised online gaming with a discussion of your rules: no hate speech, no negative behavior.laying video games online can be unhealthy for children for the same reasons many adults find it distasteful: racial and sexual terms are far too common, aggressive behavior and generally abusive language is the rule instead of the exception, and rarely do these kinds of anti-social behaviors carry any real consequence. Speech or even virtual actions that would never be tolerated in the real world can be normalized by playing online, and these problems aren't just something that you may run into online—they're a near certainty.

Vance makes the case that children need to be instructed how to act and behave online just as they are in the real world. "Exposure to strangers through a game online can carry with it the same risks as meeting strangers in the offline world," she tells Ars. "Just as parents teach their kids to deal with those issues in the real world, they need to prepare those kids for these kinds of possibilities in the virtual realm as well."

Imagine it from a child's perspective: they're usually taught not to talk to strangers, and now they're in a situation where the whole point is interacting with strangers. They're taught not to use certain language, and suddenly everyone is using that language with no oversight. Be nice to others? That's another behavior that's thrown out the window with online play in many games or services. Online play is a tricky thing, and if your child is playing with a headset, you have no clue who is speaking to him or her or what they're saying. Proceed accordingly.

a healthy gamer: good tips for parents PART 1

The first thing to remember is that gaming is not complicated—just treat it like any other parenting challenge.

David Dennis, the Xbox 360 group manager, says it well. "Sensationalism aside, as with all types of digital entertainment and Internet use, parents are the first and best line of defense when it comes to ensuring their kids stay safe online, whether playing games or using the Internet."
How do you do that? Simple: just pay attention. "This means taking an active role in their children's gaming by learning about and setting the parental controls on their child's video game console or PC, and maintaining an open dialogue."

Kourosh Dini, author of Video Game Play and Addiction: A Guide for Parents, stresses that you're the best expert on your child. "At the end of the day, you’re deciding about your child and a specific game. There will always be studies about various aspects of playing games. Studies often focus on the negatives of playing games, and if you only rely on them, you’ll miss out on the positives. Your decision should depend upon your judgment of the game and your child’s maturity."

Caroline Knorr is the digital life editor at Common Sense Media, a great source of information about video games, as well as other forms of media and how appropriate they are the for the family. Her advice? Don't stress out about it—simply become informed. "I don't think parents should 'worry.' I think that educating yourself about the types of game consoles available and their features, as well as the types of games on the market, allows parents the ability to manage the media in their homes proactively and with confidence."

The Entertainment Software Ratings Board has a guide on how to set these parental controls for the 360, Nintendo Wii, PlayStation 3, and even a Vista-enabled PC. The instructions are easy to follow, and it's a simple way to make sure your children aren't playing M-rated games in your absence. Start there, and you've already gone a long way to making sure you know what type of games your children are playing.
So the parental locks are set, and you don't know what to do next. Our first recommendation: make some time.

The easiest way to be a good parent to a gamer is to game with your children

It really can be that easy. Play with them. Learn how to use a controller. Not only will you have another activity you can share together, but you'll be able to better understand what games your child likes, and why. Talk about what game you're playing, and the themes and characters contained in it.
Even if you aren't always there when your child or children plays a game, putting an hour or two into the game when it's first opened up will give you a great idea about what kind of content you can expect to see in the game. Watch your child's body language, because games can evoke strong emotions and reactions in those playing them. My son loves the Lord of the Rings films, but playing the tie-in games often seems to slightly overwhelm him.

Caroline Knorr points out that gaming can be another way to instill lessons in your children, or to teach them more about activities they're already interested in. "Try and choose games for your family that encourage the kinds of values you want your child to grow up with in the digital age. Look for games that have strong female characters, or people of color as heroes," she says. "Find games that allow kids to play cooperatively. And look for non-violent titles that have an educational component, or complement your kids’ interests, such as sports or fantasy games."

Sports titles can teach your child more about the games they like to play in real life, as well as get them more excited about a healthy activity for sunny days when you put the game system away. The Harry Potter games can be a fun way to get children interested in the books as well as the movies. Games where children have to take turns or play cooperatively teach good manners and social behaviors. When you play games with your children, it becomes another chance to teach the lessons you feel are important in a context that children find entertaining and stimulating. Even better, you'll have a strong grasp of what your child is playing.
ESRB President Patricia Vance agrees. "The best thing to do is try to roll up your sleeves and play with them, but if that's not realistic, at least spend some time watching your child play," she told Ars. "Learn about the virtual worlds he or she enjoys visiting, what they do there and why they keep coming back. It's not only a great way to just keep informed about the games themselves, but a wonderful excuse to spend some quality time with your child as well."